Obama Voters

• You know you’re an Obama voter if you think our dismal economy is all the fault of George W. Bush, who left office 45 months ago, and whose average unemployment rate was 6.3% – almost 2 points lower than under his whiz-kid successor. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think lack of adequate regulation is responsible for the home-mortgage meltdown of 2008, rather than a Democratic Congress that (in the name of fairness) made banks to give sub-prime mortgages to unqualified lenders. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the Muslim Brotherhood is a fraternal order. Their initiation rite is killer. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you believe Joe Biden’s claim that the intelligence community initially told the administration that our Benghazi consulate was attacked by a spontaneous mob – a spontaneous mob of AL-Qaeda fighters armed with AK-47s, rocket-propelled grenades, mortars and gun trucks. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the president has done a consummate job of keeping Iran from getting nuclear weapons – by enacting more sanctions (which have never worked before), working with our “allies” China and Russia and refusing to draw a red line which would elicit military action against Tehran-- while the mullahs spent the last four years developing fissile material. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Barrack Hussein Obama has “got Israel’s back.” By having Israel’s back, the president means sending hundreds of millions of dollars to Palestinians committed to Israel’s annihilation, seeking to dictate Israel’s future borders (so as to make the Jewish state impossible to defend), helping the Muslim Brotherhood come to power in Egypt, and telling the former president of France how much he hates Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu. • You know you’re an Obama voter if, like your candidate, you think the Israeli “occupation” of Israel is the principal cause of turmoil in the Middle East, and that, before Israel’s rebirth in 1948, from time immemorial the region looked like Woodstock. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Islam really is the religion of peace – and that al-Qaeda, Hamas, Hezbollah, the Muslim Brotherhood, the Taliban, Ahmadinejad, the scholars of Cairo’s Al-Azhar University and the imam of Mecca’s Grand Mosque don’t understand their own religion. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the Ft. Hood massacre (where 13 of our soldiers were murdered in cold blood by a Koran-spouting jihadist) was “workplace related violence.” • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think it doesn’t matter that this president skips more than half of his daily intelligence briefings. After all, he reads the reports at night – or on the golf course. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the “undocumented workers” streaming across our southern border (thanks to the president’s non-deportation order) are all hard-working family folk, eager to learn English and assimilate – with nary a hardcore criminal, gang member, grifter or terrorist among them. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Joe Biden is clever and witty, not to mention polite and respectful. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the oil companies, the Arab Spring or hurricanes in the Gulf states are responsible for prices at the pump more than doubling since January 19, 2009, rather than this administration’s insane environmental policies and war on energy development. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you believe that green energy is our salvation – with a wee bit of help from the unicorns, the fairies and the little people. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think drastically limiting off-shore drilling, closing coal-fired energy plants, nixing U.S. participation in the Keystone Pipeline and extreme environmental regulations will make us less dependent on foreign oil. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the GM bailout is a shining success. At a cost of $50 billion to taxpayers, the president saved $56-an hour union jobs, while screwing bondholders and giving Washington 26.5% share of the auto giant. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think “gay marriage” strengthens the family. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you don’t care that the voters of 32 states have overwhelmingly rejected this absurdity by passing defense of marriage amendments. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Obama and Biden care about the middle class – instead of looking at them the way Dracula views a blood bank. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think raising tax rates on businesses, in the weakest economic recovery in history, won’t devastate job creation. • You know you’re an Obama voter if, like your candidate, you think the question of when life begins is “above your pay-grade” – that you can’t tell if an unborn child with a heartbeat and brainwaves and fingers and toes is human. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think opposition to the incumbent is motivated primarily by racism. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think that Barack Obama – who was raised by his white grandparents, spent his childhood in Indonesia and Hawaii and went on to Columbia and Harvard – was immersed in the black experience. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Republicans want to put black people “back in chains.” That includes Allen West, Clarence Thomas, Star Parker and Thomas Sowell. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the man who sat in a pew in Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s Church of God Damn America for 19 years never heard anything in the least controversial – that anti-American, anti-white and anti-Israel sermons were reserved for those occasions when the future president was absent. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Mitt Romney is a liar – but Obama has told the God’s-honest truth about responsibility for the deaths of our ambassador and three other Americans in Libya, getting the unemployment rate under 7% if we passed his $832-billion stimulus bill, cutting the deficit in half in his first term, his Justice Department having no knowledge of Fast and Furious (the ATF’s gunrunning-to-Mexican-drug-lords operation) prior to February 2011 and that he’d never dream of raising taxes on the middle class. The Supreme Court says the “penalties” under Obamacare are a tax – on guess who? • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the president is upholding the Constitution – by interim appointments while Congress is still in session, governing by executive order, refusing to defend the Defense of Marriage Act in court, sending troops to Libya without Congressional approval and not prosecuting the New Black Panther Party for a blatant case of voter intimidation in 2008. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think your candidate’s 2008 resume – law professor, community organizer, Chicago politician, less than two years in the U.S. Senate – trumps Romney’s as a job-creator (Sports Authority, Staples, Domino’s Pizza, etc.) • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Romney would get a kick out of firing Bob Cratchit on Christmas Eve, while stealing Tiny Tim’s crutches and muttering “Bah humbug!” • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think opposition to requiring Catholic institutions to provide birth control through their health insurance plans (in violation of Catholic teaching), constitutes a Republican War on Women. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi and HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius are Catholics. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you believe that Ann Romney – who raised five sons while running a household, doing charitable work and battling MS – “never worked a day in her life,” unlike Michelle Antoinette who earned a six-figure salary for serving as “vice president of community relations” for the University of Chicago Medical Center and vacations at five-star resorts on the Spanish Riviera. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you’re blithely unconcerned about your candidate’s past associations with (communist) Frank Marshall Davis, (revolutionary communist) Bill Ayers and (Islamist) Rashid Khalidi. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think complaints about the president increasing the National Debt by $5.4 trillion (almost 50%) in less than four years is a Republican campaign gimmick to divert attention from Obama’s economic achievements – like increasing the food stamp rolls to 47 million (50%) since he took office and raising federal spending from 20.2% to 23% of GDP. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think we can provide health insurance to 10 million currently uninsured – without a plan to add a single new doctor – it won’t cost taxpayers a cent and there won’t be rationing of services. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you’re thrilled at the prospect of turning the best health care system in the world over to the same people who bankrupted Social Security and Medicare. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you don’t care that under this administration we’ll soon have a navy that can float in a bathtub and an army that can maneuver in a broom closet. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think your candidate will be carried to victory by the Big Bird vote – like fans of Public Broadcasting would ever vote Republican, without a gun to their heads. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you’re skeptical about putting God in your party’s platform because it excludes atheists, agnostics, animists and most of the president’s appointees. • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think Islam is a civilizing force that’s enlightened in its treatment of women and minorities, but Christianity is repressive, patriarchal and a threat to liberty and democracy. • You know you're an Obama voter if you think "American exceptionalism" is a ploy devised by Newt Gingrich to stigmatize people who don't think America is exceptional. Just because we have a Constitution that's been a model for emerging nations for over 200 years, we built the greatest economic engine in the world, we created a unique society, and we saved humanity from the horrors of Nazism and communism in the 20th century -- what's so special about that? • You know you’re an Obama voter if you think the Occupy Wall Street movement is composed of idealistic, humanitarian reformers but the Tea Parties are a gang of race-baiting, neo-fascist thugs.

And finally, if there are any doubts left, you know you’re an Obama voter if you think pigs have their own air force, the moon is made of green-energy cheese and, while standing in a torrential downpour, you wonder why you’re soaked to the skin.